YuGiOh!: Fight for the Color Guard
by StupidSequel
Summary: Yugi and Tea sign up for the last spot on the color guard and they duel to see which one can join, and the loser gets jealous. Meanwhile, Marik is using his Millennium staff to play pranks on teachers and students and he can get away with it. What fun!


**Yu-Gi-Oh! - Fight for the Color Guard**

This is actually an unnumbered Yu-Gi-Oh! movie sequel. Take note of how I make fun of the typical deus ex machina moves they make.

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Yugi and Tea each got color guard applications because they wanted to be in the color guard. Really? So they signed their names on the dotted lines with erasable pens in case they made a mistake when writing their names, for they weren't very good spellers. After they were satisfied, they would then trace over it with regular pen. And the applications were submitted to wherever. After Tea submitted her application, she realized that she forgot the accent mark over the e, so whenever the people reviewed it, they would think it was submitted by a cup of tea. They would think, 'very funny.' She decided it was no big deal, I mean, I also leave off the accent mark. If I can learn to laugh at it, so can she. _Now we play the waiting game. Wait, did I just lose the game? _Yugi thought.

It was time for their College Algebra class. Yes, they're taking college algebra in high school. Marik was sitting in the back row so he could look inconspicuous as he held his Millennium staff. It lit up. The teacher walked in and talked in his ridiculously monotone voice.

"We're gonna start today with a 50 question pop quiz about using the Laws of Limits on rational functions that have radicals. Any questions? Okay, good, let's go!" The whole class would have raised their hands if he had paused. They were not ready for this stuff. They were still on unit 2, whatever that was. Probably some shiz about circles and complete the square. I dunno. Their hands did not have time to move a Planck length. As he was passing out the papers, Marik had a look of mischief on his face. 3…2…1…

"Okay, change of plans!" the teacher said. He ripped up all the quizzes and let them rain down like confetti. "We're gonna spend the whole day playing the Nintendo Wii and duel monsters and eating ice cream!" The whole class cheered.

Yugi shot an angry look at Marik. "I thought you weren't gonna use that…" Marik placed his index finger on his lips.

"Ssshhh. Just play along. We're friends now, right?" Marik whispered. Yugi nodded.

"But don't eat too much ice cream, or else you get diabetes and if you're not careful with your diabetes, you go to the Shadow Realm," the teacher advised. Joey was thirsty after eating 17 scoops of cookies and cream ice cream before he heard the warning. Yugi felt strong feelings of anxiety overshadow his enjoyment of playing Donkey Kong Country Returns about whether or not he is going on the color guard. _What if I'm not good enough?_

After Yugi got home from school, he checked his e-mail. He got a message from the sports department about how it will either be Tea or him going in cuz they only have room for one more (they actually used the word 'cuz' in the e-mail message. Go figure!) He knew immediately how to settle this, and it should come as no surprise. They would play a childrens' card game to see who can get into color guard. _If I can defeat possessed Joey to avoid falling into the Shadow Realm water by the anchor, surely I can twirl a flag for my school._

The next day, Yugi found a note under his desk. It read, 'meet me behind the gymnasium after recess. Yours truly, Miss Fanservice, a.k.a. Tea' "But we don't have recess in high school. We're too old. Wait. Why am I talking to a note?" As Yugi said the words 'too old,' he made the quotation marks gesture. He remembered when recess was at elementary school, at 1:30. _I'll use that._

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After science class (yes, they still call it that, even in high school) Yugi snuck outside without being seen. Given his extremely slim body, that was not hard at all. He spotted Tea outside by the track. Her countenance revealing determination, as if she was boxing while listening to Eye of the Tiger. She put on her duel disc and took off her sweater. She was wearing a sports bra and skin tight jean shorts (her jogging pants were made of paper. She tore off her paper jeans to reveal the shorts. Male readers will love this). "YUGI, MAXIMIZE," Yugi yelled, then transformed into Yami, the same way the Beast Wars robots transform, with folding, replacing, and rotating of body parts.

"Let's duel," Yami and Tea said together in unison. They're about to play Duel Monsters, a.k.a. a children's card game, a.k.a. Calvinball the Card Game. Nobody played a card. They did not know who should go first.

"How bout we arm wrestle?" Yami proposed.

"Okay. I know I can beat a guy, for I have 2 foot biceps." Tea flexed her bicep. Her arm barely changed width. "I'm getting there."

"For my first card, I draw Reborn the Monster in attack mode, for it can also be played as a monster, but only on the first turn of the game. It can also attack on the first turn. I learnt that from Nintendo Power." Yami called. "And I lay this card face down."

"It's my turn," Tea called.

"Yes, I know that, brunette bimbo." Yami pointed out.

"Shut up!" Tea demanded. She drew her card. "I summon Bizzaro Cat in defense mode," Tea called. A hologram of a tabby, brown/grey kitty with a folded ear and mean but cute looking eyes appeared on the field. "And I also summon his counterpart, Bat Cat." A similar looking, but slightly bigger cat with big ears, neither of which were folded, appeared on the field. They each had 1900 defense points. "And with that, I end my turn."

_Strange. Why didn't she attack? _"Welp, I can go now, at least." Yami drew a card and crossed his fingers. _I don't know why I ever worry if the Millennium Puzzle can win the duel for me with this whole 'Heart of the Cards' showbiz. In fact, I might as well not even think at all and just go with the flow. _"I play the Magic Card, Calculus Panel." A hologram of a math book popped up.

"I've never seen that card before! What does it do?"

"It will flip to a random page and point to a random problem. I will then attempt to work the problem, and that's how many attack points Reborn the Monster gets." The math book opened and flipped to a random problem where you had to calculate the limit of a rational function using the laws of limits. "Oh goodie, I studied for this one! Too bad Yugi spent all his time with that Rubik's cube instead of studying even though doing this in college algebra is like spraying someone who knows not how to swim with a hose and then you tell them to swim across the Pacific immediately after. My math skills are Makjang Quality! Oh, and if I get it wrong, then I immediately lose the duel!" Yami worked the problem on scratch paper saved for the occasion.

"60 attack points?" Yami gasped. "Oh well. Attack!" He was wrong. The correct answer was 112. Not that it would have been much better.

"Oh, sorry. Looks like you lose!"

"No I don't! I activate my face down card, Disney Death. It lets me continue the duel in situations where I otherwise would have lost if I did not have this card. It also allows me to draw four cards."

"Oh, Yugi! You and your deck full of deus ex machinas!" Tea drew her card. She had a smirk on her face. "With this card, you will certainly lose! If you win, I'll eat my hat! I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! Not only are you not gonna get on the color guard, but if you have no soul, you won't be able to get a higher grade than me! Ha ha ha!" She had straight A's. Yugi had straight D-'s. She laid it down and the whole field was engulfed in that same magic green circle seen in the fourth arc (US version, a.k.a. More kid friendly than PBS. 4Kids or 4Babies? You decide.)

"I remember when I played that card," Yami insisted. He went into this long, boring tale, causing Tea to cover her ears and sing the Star Spangled Banner. His tale was so long, if you took a three hour nap, drove from one end of Russia to the other, read the entire Harry Potter series, and then came back to this, he would still not be done.

"Sorry Yugi, but your filibuster isn't gonna work. Remember, we are trapped in a magic circle that only one of us will escape!"

Meanwhile, Marik was in the halls, cutting class like he'd been doing every day. He always got straight A+'s even though he did zero work. How? He would use his Millennium staff to make the teacher record his grade as a perfect A+ in the grade book. He thinks he's so smart. Actually, not really. Everyone else does. He used the staff to possess a nerdy looking kid. He started to go in the boy's bathroom. _Oh no you don't! _The nerdy kid walked right out and did his business in the ladies' room. Several of the ladies screamed.

"THERE'S A BOY IN HERE! CALL THE POLICE!"

"I WILL SEND YOU TO THE SHADOW REALM!" Calm down people. It's just a simple mishap, right?

They threw him out. The principal came to the rescue.

"Young man, you're coming with me," he said through gritted teeth.

Marik made the kid say "You're a fat, poop face with a booger brain!" The nerdy guy kicked the professor. "ISAP for the rest of the week! You're out of control!" Marik released him from his possession.

"Huh? What am I doing here? Am I in trouble?" the nerdy guy had a confused look on his face.

"Don't play dumb, Beauchamp! You know what you did!"

"But I don't remember anything! Maybe I was high or something-"

"YOU WERE DOING DRUGS?" the principal's face was something like the color of a tomato. Marik was getting hungry. The principal escorted the nerd down the hall and they disappeared into his office.

_I love this game! Let's see what other kind of mischief I can cause next._

Back to the duel...

The assistant principal came outside to where Yami and Tea were dueling.

"Why aren't you in class?" he demanded.

"I would if I could, believe me," Yami assured him.

"And why can't you?" the assistant principal was skeptical.

"Just come over here and try to get us out."

"What? That is the stupidest request I ever heard! You're in high school! You're perfectly capable of getting out yourself. I'm not stupid, you know."

"Look, I'll prove it to you right now," Yami yelled. He ran to the edge of the magic circle and fell backward.

"Ha ha, very funny. Falling backward to try to fool me. If you don't get to class right now, you will be expelled. FOREVER!" the assistant principal warned. Yami decided he needed to win the duel quick so he wouldn't get expelled. He drew a card.

"I lay this card face down. And I end my turn." _I don't wanna lose my soul. There must be something I can do. _Tea had 12000 life points thanks to her Milk Drink magic card (played during Marik's escapade) and Yami only had 666. Tea drew her card.

"I activate Green Lantern!" Some green superhero guy appeared on the field. He had 2000 atk and def points. "Attack his life points." As he attacked, he was blocked by something invisible. "Huh?"

"Yeah. Remember two turns ago when you knocked out my Arceus Eater Lady with your Dark Magician Girl? Well, Arceus Eater Lady has an ability where if it's KO'd by a wizard card, it spawns Invisi-Girl from the Incredibles." Invisi-Girl revealed herself. She went over to Tea's hand and tore up her Green Lantern card, ate it, and belched like Barney from the Simpsons.

"I was hoping you would do that. Now I can activate 'Orichalico cat, which has infinity attack points!'" She summoned a calico cat to the field. "It has a special ability where if the duel goes exactly like it did, then I get to summon it! Attack"

"Oh noez! That thing has infinite attack power! Whatever will I do? Besides lose, of course." Yami panicked. He then remembered something.

"I play another Disney Death, which doubles as both a Magic Card and a Trap card. And I also play Kuriboh, which has a hidden ability that I never thought to use until now. It just so happens that I also have an Exodia head in my hand. If I play it together with Kuriboh while having a 3 digit number of life points, it allows Kuriboh to destroy the Seal of Orichalcos, saving both of us. And that's not all. It also allows me to search my deck for all 5 Exodia pieces and play them and win the duel!" He did that and won. Any questions? No? Then I move on.

"Beast mode." Yami transformed back into Yugi transformer style and headed to class.

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"Yay, I get to be on the color guard! And it's all thanks to the Yu-Gi-Oh's (AN: obvious spoof of Cheerios) I had for breakfast. They're Yugi-licious."

Meanwhile, Marik was at lunch. Today's item was chicken patties and wheat rolls. He was the only one who chose healthy over good tasting. After he was done, he became bored. He used his staff to make some poor kid pour his orange juice on his roll and then eat it like that, and while they were eating it, he would release them from his control. So he did that.

"Dude, gross!" some athletic brunette girl scolded. The poor kid nearly threw up.

"What the?" The kid was confused. "I don't remember doing this!" Marik repossessed him. He made the kid spit on the girl's green beans. She slapped him.

"GET OUT OF HERE!" she shouted.

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It was time for the game. Yugi ran through the practice sessions in his mind. While the band played, he would twirl his colored flag in a way that was aesthetically pleasing and no one would care if he messed up. Little did he know that Tea was hiding behind the bleachers with a strange device from ACME. It was a bow. She put on mittens, loaded a dark energy disc into it, and pulled back the string. _When this thing hits Yugi, he will go to the Shadow Realm, and I can claim that flag. _The dark energy disc bounced off the pole of Yugi's flag and hit her in the head. Birds circled her head and her teeth were showing and they played a tune similar to a piano, like in those Loony Toons cartoons.

Next game, Tea had another ACME product. It looked like a dynamite. _When this thing blows up, it will create a wave of Shadow Realm gas that will send Yugi to the Shadow Realm. _She glued an anvil to it. _Just to make sure he's really out. _She threw the dynamite out there on the football field, and took herself with it. She had accidentally glued her hand to the anvil and the dynamite. And now she was sailing 60 feet high over the football field.

"Meep meep," said Yugi, sounding exactly like the Roadrunner. Tea banged her head against the bleachers. _What will it take to sabotage him?_

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The next day Tea noticed Marik sleeping in class. _Perfect. _She seized both the moment and his Millennium staff. She concealed the rod inside her big mouth. _I am perfect!_

Near the end of the day, Marik noticed the staff was gone. "Rats! Now how am I gonna get the highest grade in the class? Now that I can't force people to write 'there is an elephant in the way' or leave it entirely blank or all that jazz."

Next football game, she held out the Millennium staff. _I will force Yugi to mess up seriously so he gets made fun of! _She made Yugi eat his flag and dance while singing 'Party in the USA.' Everybody booed. _He's gonna get booted. I've been waiting for this moment! _Just then...

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SCENE MISSING

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"Thanks, Peppy the Walrus," Yugi praised. A walrus wearing a monocle waved goodbye, and sailed off, leaving a rainbow trail. Yugi continued on his flag twirling as if nothing happened. Tea broke the staff in two. (Cleveland show reference).

"Ooops, did not mean to do that." She glued it back using the leftover ACME glue, and it was good as new.

"There you are!" Marik snapped.

"Ahhhh! Smartest guy in the school! I don't want you to send me to the Shadow Realm by building some advanced device!"

"I am no longer the smartest guy in the school! I have a 99% now! I need my Millennium staff to control others to make them try less than their best!" Marik ranted. He used his Millennium staff to force Tea to give him his Millennium staff so he could control Tea and make her give him his Millennium staff. Now that he had his Millennium staff, he made all the audience be easily impressed by whatever Yugi would do, regardless of whatever kind of Loony Toons scheme she had up the sleeve of her sleeveless shirt.

"Oh my Ra, it's cold out! And I've never wore anything with sleeves ever! I'd better stop with trying to sabotage Yugi's performances." Marik used his Millennium staff to make all his teachers give him a straight A report card and... wait, how should I end this? Aw well. I guess this is a good ending, with Tea realizing it to be too cold and the constant threat of Marik's staff looming over her in case she got a toe out of line.


End file.
